Pregnancy – oh, what a bliss! The cute little thing that grows inside you, and gives you all those chills down the spine and goosebumps that make your hair stand up, and you feel blessed because that little thing inside is a part of you. Your flesh and blood. Well, yes! But hold on! That little thing also makes you sick and turns all your hormones upside down and they seem to rush through your body aimlessly causing nausea and vomiting. And you spend days sitting on the toilet, throwing up, and cursing whoever comes to your mind. Your mood swings, emotional outbursts, weakness and lethargy will probably piss you off as well as people around you. Therefore, ladies, all of you who plan to have babies, bear in mind that this beautiful thing called mum-to-be brings some downsides as well. But don’t be desperate. You are strong, you will survive.
When my period was late, I didn’t really think I might be pregnant. It crossed my mind but my periods were not always on time and I thought I just had some hormonal disorder, or weather change made it late. But then, something else happened. I started waking up weak and groggy. And I had no energy to do anything in the morning. Mornings had always been my favorite part of days, and I had always felt very energetic and bouncy in the morning. That was the alarm that something was not really normal. And I bought a pregnancy test which confirmed my suspicion. I was pregnant. I was confused. I was both happy and shocked. I was shocked not because I didn’t want a baby. Far from that! I love kids and I have always wanted to have kids. I was just surprised by the newness the baby would bring to my body, mood and life in general. And I knew many things would change. And no matter if good or bad, change always brings a dose of stress. But the fear of something new didn’t make me sad. Of course not! It was more the excitement mixed with apprehension of not knowing what to do. And there was not much to do except let the pregnancy roll on.
Soon after, the first shock was replaced by acceptance and the fight against sickness. And the sickness during the first trimester of my pregnancy was what made me want to jump out of my skin. Waking up in the middle of the night with that queasiness disturbed me to my core. And not only me, but my partner as well. He was not as much annoyed as he was worried. I would wake up at 3 am, and hurry to the toilet to throw up whatever was bothering me. And usually all the food bothered me during the first weeks of pregnancy. And nothing tasted well. Actually, everything was tasteless. Whatever I ate I just ate mechanically. No food craving, no real hunger, just that sickness was the alarm that I should eat something. Hunger turned into sickness. I had to nibble on some food every two hours. No huge meals were allowed since they would make me sicker, so I ate like a mouse every now and then. What made things worse, my favorite food became the food I couldn’t stand anymore. I had been a big coffee and chocolate lover before pregnancy and now I couldn’t stand them. I couldn’t stand not only taste of these, once upon a time, delicacies, but smell either. Cheese was the most disgusting thing I could think of. And believe it or not, before my pregnancy I couldn’t imagine any meal without a piece of cheese. Fruits, spices, cakes, fish, and many other things were out of question. I just couldn’t bear them. Even worse was that I couldn’t drink water. Water just didn’t go through my body system. It just made me burp and feel like vomiting. So I lived on plain biscuits, water crackers, hydrolyte drinks, bread, olives, prickles, rice. “Oh misery, misery, what’s gonna become of me!” Yes, I sang this song to myself when I was desperate during those first three tasteless, agitating, moody and nauseous months of my pregnancy.
Sickness and weakness of my body didn’t allow me to do my regular exercises either. And surfing which had been my passion became torture. My mind wanted so much to surf, but my body objected. It reacted by calling in sick and tired. And I felt that I want to leave that body and run away.
But it was not all as black as the devil. Of course not! I didn’t feel sick all the time. There were moments when I could do what my mind wanted. In those moments, my mind and body cooperated. And I enjoyed them more than ever because they felt rare and precious. My partner is a lovely man, and he made me feel lovable and great even though, often I couldn’t stand myself. He was a great support and his love and patience definitely made me feel better. My friends were great encouragement as well. They made me laugh and they showed only support and happiness because I would be the mum which invigorated me and motivated me to carry on and persist in handling my indisposition, mood swings, frailty and exasperation.
And the good news is my pregnancy is getting more and more bearable as the first trimester passed. I still feel sick sometimes. And I still can’t stand coffee, but I think I am slowly taking grip on myself. I feel much better and I can finally think about the outcome of this special state a woman experiences. And the special human being inside me is definitely worth all the torture, pain and anxiety.
That being said, my dear ladies and future moms, don’t be desperate and don’t think that pregnancy necessarily means a condition so bad that it is hard to deal with. Well, for many women, the first trimester is hard, but if you have dear people around who will support you and just love you in the moments of sickness and moodiness, and if you think of that beautiful being you are carrying, this unpleasant situation will not be unbearable. And the good news is it will pass. And one day, you will drink your favorite drink you couldn’t stand during pregnancy and eat the unhealthiest meal you were not allowed to eat while you were expecting and laugh to all that happened and is past now. And the most important thing is it’s worth it.