We only listen to what we want to hear

All of us, in general, tend to avoid information that contradicts to what we already think and believe. And we often think about ourselves only in superlatives. Therefore, we do not accept very well the unpleasant truth about ourselves.

It must be such a terrible feeling to suddenly realize that someone else has different opinion than you, that you are not right, that you are wrong, that you are not as good as you think, that you are a bit fat and that that dress does not fit you well. And your teeth are so yellow and your hat is out of fashion. And what is even worse, you don’t know much about popular music culture and your colleague will get a pay raise because he showed better knowledge. All these can be very unpleasant and people usually get angry in the mentioned and similar situations, angry with others and themselves. They start breeding negativity, anxiety, insecurity and false image of themselves. They want a revenge and they make a plan how to make it happen but they rarely stop, take a breathe and think what went wrong in the mentioned situation, what can be changed and how they can improve their performance, skills, knowledge, appearances.

It is necessary to asses oneself and to assess our path in life. An assessment of our goals, our behaviour, our relationships, our performance ultimately enables self-improvement. Coming clean with your errors and learning to forgive yourself for them can become a lifelong habit. However, most often we avoid honestly assessing ourselves. We, humans, are not really meant to objectively appraise ourselves. It can be painful and unpleasant since we usually have better opinion of what we can do than the reality shows.

The purpose of self-assessment is to find out what we like, what we do not like, what we are good at, what we are not so good at, what we are motivated by and what we want to achieve, what we tend to avoid because of difficulty and discomfort, what motivates us, what demotivates us. The aim of self-assessment is also to uncover the truths about ourselves. Finding out those little things about ourselves that often we neglect and avoid to face will help us in the long run.

If the results of self-assessment are not pleasant don’t panic and don’t be too hard on yourself. We can always try to improve those things we don’t like in ourselves, and to change things that demotivate us and make us unhappy. Just by doing self-assessment, we are trying to make a difference in our lives. It is a sad fact but unfortunately, most people will not make the effort to analyse or evaluate themselves.

After all, other people’s opinion about you and your performance should not be the trigger for anger, enmity, hostility, holding a grudge against those people. Often, that opinion of others is not so relevant and doesn’t have to be the truth. But it is a good indication mark for us to self-evaluate ourselves.

There is a beautiful saying:

β€œThe older you get, the more you understand how your conscience works. The biggest and only critic lives in your perception of people’s perception of you rather than people’s perception of you.” Criss Jami


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